How is it that some people seem to maintain a bright outlook in their daily life, including in times of difficulty? Is it naiveté or something else? Others say that their “realistic” outlook has served them well and they rely on it, but their realistic perspective can typically be dangerously pessimistic. And what’s so bad about pessimism? Nothing really, that is if you’re happy with your life. On the other hand, if you suffer from depression or anxiety, your pessimism may actually contribute to it, and be a symptom of it, to boot. If this is the case, you may wonder if there’s a way to develop a more upbeat way of thinking. Because thinking optimistically drives out negativity. And a depressed mind does tend to think negative thoughts. Optimism improves your healthy outlook.
Ashley was 36, and had her share of bumps in the road. A single mom who’d weathered divorce, she had two teenaged children. The strain of working full time, getting the kids to the school bus on time in the morning, then coming home in the evening to supervise homework, cooking dinner, doing laundry, and talking through problems that came up, kept her on her toes.
Over time, the daily grind, stressors at work, the heartache of her divorce, and dealing with her ex regarding the children, seemed to drain her enthusiasm for living. She’d always been a realist, facing life’s difficulties as they came, and not with a dreamer’s outlook.
She tried to cope with disappointments by reminding herself that everyone had problems, so what made her any different?
But then, a major blow invaded their lives. Her ex was in a serious car accident, and her child support stopped. He was in the hospital for a month, then rehabilitation… and she had to find a way to get by. She took a second job at night and on weekends to pay the bills, which added enormous stress to her family. The kids had to fend for themselves for dinner, and be responsible about their homework without her supervision. They also had to do their own laundry.
Ashley hated being away so much. She felt desperate. The kids needed her. She checked their homework when she got home at night, and sent notes to their teachers to let them know the family was under an unusual strain for awhile.
Unfortunately, she found herself venting as she got ready in the mornings, and during her commutes to work. She hated herself for marrying, for bringing innocent children into this mess, for not getting a better education so she could make enough to support her family with one job instead of two.
The more she vented, the more she wanted to vent. Her anger expanded, her temper sharpened, and her tolerance for all that was required of her weakened. Before too long, she found herself slamming doors, shoving drawers, and snapping at the children. After each scene, she loathed herself.
It wasn’t her children’s fault she was so angry…or that she found herself and her family in this situation.
Finally, she talked to her friend and co-worker, Ginny. Ginny was an optimistic person, and tended to shine a brighter light on life’s events to shed a more positive perspective.]
“Ashley, you need a break. It’s no wonder you’re wearing down. You’re working 7 days a week, without relief, and your kids are raising themselves right now. It’s too much. But your outlook is just making everything worse.
“Somehow you’ve got to break the cycle. There are things in your life you can’t change, but there are things you can. And you can start with being your own best friend. You never talk to me the way you talk to yourself. You’ve got to find a way to bring some optimism into your thoughts. Optimism improves a healthy outlook.
“If I’m struggling, you tell me how great I am, and how my situation is going to get better. You tell me I’m smart, and loving, and capable. You tell me to be patient with myself. But you only talk smack about yourself, Ash. You need to be your own best friend. The things you mumble to yourself when you’re frustrated sink in, and I daresay it works against you in your own mind.
“Tell yourself, on purpose, the things you tell me when I’m struggling. Tell yourself how faithful you are, how devoted to your children you are. Remind yourself that this is a difficult time, but it’s temporary. Remind yourself that everything is going to be alright, and that you will come out of this on top. Make yourself introduce optimism…optimism improves a healthy outlook, and your need that right now.”
Ashley was silent.
She thought about what Ginny said. Her instinct was to argue and refute all of it, but she knew in her gut that Ginny was right.
It was just that Ashley had never made the effort to talk to herself on purpose. And she’d never talked about things in a hopeful way. She just mumbled to herself about how things were…and quite honestly that was pretty negative. She just never thought about it all like this. This idea that optimism improves a healthy outlook was foreign to her. But she thought she should at least try it.
I am capable… she said to herself.
It felt strange, sort of a bit contrived. Maybe even a little phony…? But she tried again. I’m going to help my family get through this difficult time. And again: We’re going to come out of this ok.
She thought deeper about her situation. I didn’t do anything to cause these problems. I married the children’s father in good faith. But life happens. And our marriage didn’t survive. But we are doing our best to pull together as a family and get through this. And we will. We’ll all learn from it, and we’ll be stronger as individuals and as a family as a result.
“Yes, that’s true…”. She said to herself. So she said out loud: “I’m going to be ok. My kids are going to be ok. I love my family and I’m what they need to get through hard times in life.”
The sound of her own voice was jarring.
But she also realized that what she was saying seemed to be helping her feel better. Maybe even hopeful?
She thanked Ginny for her patient encouragement, and told her she would think about everything she said. And she told her she really appreciated her friendship.
Ginny also used the opportunity to tell Ashley about the depression her own husband had recently recovered from. She explained how pressure at work over years had led to a diagnosis of depression for him. She had watched him deteriorate emotionally and mentally over six months, until he was no longer coping…and was having a tough time performing at work.
His boss had seen this happening, and spoke privately with him about the pressure he knew the man had been carrying. He told him about ketamine treatment, and about a psychiatrist who offered it in her office.
As it turned out, following this treatment, her husband had gotten better and better, embracing challenges at work again, and his restored resilience had helped him function better at home and at work.
Ginny just said that maybe that information could help Ashley, too.
After 5 months, Ashley’s ex-husband was back at work and she started receiving child support again. He talked to her and thanked her for her forbearance during the months since his accident. He told her he had taken out a loan to repay her the support he missed during those months and would be sending her monthly payments with 5% interest until it was all reimbursed.
This was wonderful news, and she quit her second job to be home with the kids again in the evenings and on weekends.
Happily, her teens had learned to do laundry and cook simple meals during the interim, so she kept those responsibilities in place going forward. This allowed them to do things they enjoyed together as a family on weekends. It was a great reward for their added maturity.
She also talked with them about the things she learned about pessimism, self hatred, self love, and optimism; and positive self talk became a frequent subject of conversation at home.
The better Ashley felt, the more she wanted to learn about improving her frame of mind. She wanted to be equipped to build resilience through her ketamine treatment, combined with her newly developed skills of using optimism for her wellbeing. So she read books and blogs to learn more and develop her positive outlook. As it turned out, optimism had improved a healthy outlook in her and her family.
Taking her life back turned out to be a combination of taking care of herself, supporting herself emotionally, mentally, and physically, feeding herself and her family nutritious meals rich in flavonoids and good fats, and low in carbs, and getting out and having fun together.
What a life-changing year it had been.
You can change your life and your outlook, too. Changing your mind to nurture your own brighter perspective can usher in better circumstances. Building an upbeat and hopeful inner life can result in your outer life flourishing.
And if the stress of life has worn down your ability to function, ketamine treatment just might prove to be an important part of your solution.
If you struggle with hopelessness, despair, feelings of failure… maybe self loathing… and nothing else has helped, call us.
Let’s talk about whether you’re a candidate for ketamine treatment.
Ketamine’s not for everyone, but it can be transformative for most, and just may open up a whole new level of wellness for you. When combined with an inner life that fosters healthy thoughts, as well as a diet and activity that foster wellbeing, it can transform your world.
We want to help you find the best you possible.
To the restoration of your best self,
This is a wonderful article that is sorely needed during this time!