Kayla breathed a sigh of relief. A car moving into her lane spotted her car just in time and swerved away to avoid her. Gratitude filled her at the near miss. It could have been a horrible crash, but all was well. This holiday traffic was heavy. Everyone shopping for gifts and groceries, as well as attending luncheons and parties. She loved this time of year. The excitement and anticipation. The decorations everywhere. Ornamented trees, snow on the ground, green, red, blue, and white lights on the streets and in the stores. Kayla wished she could share her joy with everyone she saw. She knew holiday optimism sets a path for success in life. But she also knew such enthusiasm wasn’t received well by everyone. She knew some were sad or angry, feeling losses especially painfully at this time of year.
Offering Encouragement
She drove to the specialty grocery store where she liked to shop for tasty treats and unusual ingredients for her Christmas baking. After grabbing a basket she started in the produce section and who did she see selecting oranges and figs but Megan Watson.
“Megan! It’s wonderful to see you! Looks like we had the same idea…shopping for holiday meals?”
“Hi Kayla. Yes, I’m trying. But they seem to be out of the things I came for. I don’t know why I try. My dishes never turn out right anyway. My family just ridicules my efforts. It takes the fun out of all of it.”
“Oh Megan, I’m sorry. I wish they realized how hard you try and encouraged you. I’m just learning myself. I used to cook the things my mother cooked, but realized there are other ways to prepare food that I like better. So I’m doing a lot of experimenting these days, finding recipes and trying them out.
How Learning Supports Optimism
“Sometimes they’re good and sometimes not so much. When they don’t work I either scratch them from the list or study the recipe harder to figure out where I made a mistake so I can fix it. I figure optimism sets a path for success, you know? What ingredients are you trying to find?”
“Well, I need fresh mozzarella and fresh basil for a caprese salad.”
“Really? I love caprese salad. Surely they have both of those things here! I’ll help you look…”
“I’m surprised you feel like you’re just learning. I’ve always thought of you as a gourmet chef, Kayla.”
“No way..! I’m learning every day. And having fun with it. But thank you for the compliment.”
A quick survey of the store’s “cheese shop” led Kayla to the mozzarella. Next, after looking near the lettuce and cabbage, she found the herbs and handed a package of basil to Megan. Then she saw it. Megan was covering her face with her purse, and Kayla could tell by the movement of her chest she was crying.
Not Everyone Feels Joy About the Holidays
“Megan? What’s going on? Are you ok..?”
“I’m sorry, Kayla. I’m so discouraged. My whole life is a mess and I don’t know how to get my feet under me again. The course I was taking was so hard, and I think I failed the final. I’m worried I’ll fail the course. I shouldn’t have tried. I’m not sure I can ever find the courage to take a college course again.
“I’m just not a good student. I should have known to not try to go back to school. I have bad luck at everything I try.
“Now I’m trying to put together a plan for Christmas dinner, and I can’t think of anything. I’m no chef. Who am I kidding? Whatever I cook, my family will be disappointed. And I’ll feel humiliated. Plus I’ve gained weight, and my clothes don’t fit right. I don’t think my husband is attracted to me anymore…
Pessimism Can Rob Joy and Confidence
“And if my husband leaves me, what will I do? I married right out of high school, and can’t get a good job. It would be just my luck if he left me to take care of the kids by myself… I don’t know what to do anymore. Things don’t work out for me like they do for you.”
Kayla looked into Megan’s eyes with compassion.
“Megan, first of all, you’re really beating yourself up, and it’s not helping.”
“Listen Kayla, I’m just being realistic.”
“Hey my friend, you’re not really being realistic, you’re worrying… and assuming the worst. That’s not the same thing. You do need support. In fact, what you really need is hope. But hope is something you can actually cultivate in yourself, by what you say to yourself and others, and how you view things.
A dose of optimism wouldn’t hurt either, Kayla thought, since optimism sets a path for success in most things.
A New Point of View
“…Also, these situations you described aren’t things that depend on luck…it’s just that you may need to look at your circumstances with a different perspective.
“When you go over and over in your mind about how badly things are going to go, it undermines your confidence, and then you can’t do as well.”
“Kayla, you’re different — you’re an eternal optimist. But life doesn’t always turn out the way you think it should.”
“Megan, work with me here. I want to show you something. When your daughter is preparing for a test, does she study?”
“Yes, of course— I make sure of it.”
“Ok, you see to it that she prepares. So when she walks into that test, she’s not depending on luck, is she? She has prepared. She’s fed the information into her mind, and it’s there when she needs to draw on it for the test, right? As a result, she’s got confidence about what she’s learned.”
“Yes. And she makes good grades.”
“Ok. Excellent. Now, when you went in for that test you failed, had you studied for it until you knew the information forwards and backwards? Like, could you have taken the test blindfolded?”
“No. There were too many things I needed to do for the kids, and too much gift shopping to do, and presents to wrap. I scanned my notes that morning before class.”
Learning to Expect Happy Outcomes
“Megan, I’m so sorry you’ve been so loaded with things that needed to be done, but can you see that it wasn’t bad luck that you failed the test? Can you see that maybe you could have prioritized the demands in your life differently, and given the time you had to studying…? And if you had, you would have made a much better grade?”
Megan nodded. She listened wide-eyed.
“When you said you were being realistic… that wasn’t exactly true. Maybe you’ve been sabotaging your success in a variety of ways, without realizing it. Your approach to all this is actually pretty pessimistic, because you couldn’t see how to be optimistic… or to have hope. But you do have a certain amount of control over that, if you can just see it.
“Optimism can set a path for success, if you work on looking for the up side of a situation.
“Life can become overwhelming, and sometimes it’s hard to get things right. But with support, and by adjusting your priorities, you can thrive. You really can be successful.
Luck vs. Investing in Success
“This isn’t about luck. It’s about giving yourself the opportunity to succeed. And about building your confidence with hard work. Then enjoying your own sense of accomplishment. So you can be proud of yourself. And expect things to go well for you.
“Can you see the different perspective?”
Megan’s eyes began to shine and she smiled. Hope was dawning.
“So, no matter whether you fail the course or not, you can adopt a different strategy and try again next semester. And if you follow this strategy, you can expect it to go well for you.
Support and Social Stimulation are Important for Wellbeing
“Maybe you should talk to your husband about his helping the kids with homework and maybe the dishes. Why don’t you? To give you more time to work on your school work.
“And for your Christmas dinner, maybe search the internet for easy-to-prepare dishes that are tasty and festive? Then you can read the recipes, buy the ingredients, follow the instructions carefully, and prepare a wonderful meal your family will love. You don’t have to think of everything by yourself. That’s what Google is for!”
“Oh Kayla, that’s a fantastic idea! I can see there are ways to plan, and set myself up to succeed.”
“And about your discouragement with your weight. If you’re like me, you might be drawn to carbohydrates like sweets, and French fries, and chips when you’re feeling down… and those things pack on the weight. I know that first-hand so well. It feels good while you’re eating, but the good feeling doesn’t last.
Ketogenic Psychiatry
“I recently learned about a different lifestyle that’s helping me so much. It involves eating moderate amounts of meat, chicken, and fatty fish, with vegetables that are low in carbohydrates. Things like green leafy vegetables, colorful foods like eggplant, roasted Brussel sprouts, bell peppers, etc. And healthy high fat foods like avocados, eggs, nuts, and cheeses.
“When you eat foods like this, and avoid foods high in carbohydrates, your mood will be lifted, you’ll have more mental clarity and energy, and you’ll easily lose body fat. A few months from now, you could be a new size and shape.
“In fact, there’s a treatment program called TOUCHPOINTS 180™ that is all about metabolic strategies, eating the right foods for you, with support, groups, and community-building. The doctor and the dietitian live and breathe it themselves— and even walk with their patients 4 times a week out in nature settings. The transformation is pretty incredible. It’s what helped me do a 180.”
Touchpoints 180™ can brighten your outlook and help you transform your mind, your body, and your life in ways you didn’t think were possible.
We’re doing it, and living it. We see it every day.
Giving Time and Support is a Most Valuable Gift
“If you’re interested, maybe we could have coffee at my house, and choose dishes with great foods like this, and your whole family could begin to benefit. Instead of Christmas being a day full of pain and humiliation for you, it can be a day of fun and deliciousness! The beginning of a whole new approach to life! What do you think?”
“Oh Kayla, that would be so wonderful. You’ve given me so much to think about, and you’ve given me hope. You’ve shown me my life can be different. I can’t wait to come over.”
“Great! Hope is what the holidays are all about! Let’s get to work on a Merry Christmas!
And that’s exactly what they did.
Because holiday optimism sets a path for success in the new year.
If you struggle with feeling overwhelmed and defeated, and maybe need a restart in your mental health and wellbeing, call us.
Our Touchpoints 180™ program can set you on a new path— a happier, peace-filled, and healthier path.
Happy Holidays… and a Very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to You!
To the restoration of your best self,
