Kyle and Rose felt fighting hot rage at their parents for separating. Kyle was 17 and Rose was 15. How could their parents be so selfish?? They had ripped apart the home that Kyle and Rose needed. Relied on. Their parents were so buried in their own demands and accusations of each other, they were oblivious to the misery their children were enduring. At least it seemed that way to Kyle and Rose. From where they were sitting, their secure home had become a war zone and they had no idea what to do to get their lives back. Being a teen was hard enough. Did their parents not see that THEY were the adults? They should be keeping the home fires burning while the kids lived their lives. What were they thinking??? When you’re feeling alienated, you can also feel desperate.
Their mom, Christine, quietly retreated to her room when the kids turned to homework. She softly sobbed into her pillow. She hadn’t wanted this, but her husband’s verbal abuse for 20 years had devolved to physical blows in the last few months, and she’d always told herself she wouldn’t live with him if he started hitting her. The kids didn’t know. It always happened behind closed doors. But she had had to take a stand and tell him to move out.
The kids blamed her for making him move out. They believed she was being selfish but they didn’t know why she did it. And she knew she could say nothing about his abuse because it would alienate Rose and Kyle from their father…it would make everything worse.
A Family Shattered
The result was that in this family of four, there were three separate camps. Mom, Dad, and Teens.
None of the four wanted this. All of them were miserable and heartbroken. Kyle and Rose sought refuge among their respective friends. It was the best they could do in this state of reverberating loss.
Christine buried herself in her job. She kept her head down, kept tissues on her desk for the occasional breakthrough tears, and worked to achieve the best she could in spite of her distraction and pain. It wasn’t going that well, and she was haunted that her children were hurting and didn’t feel they could be comforted by her or their dad. Her husband was bitter, but didn’t want the children to know he’d been hitting their mom. So he also kept his head down and focused on work.
Trouble is, in a situation like this, nothing stays the same.
The relationships between each parent and each child continued to deteriorate, because the children were in the dark. It seemed to them their very foundations had been sabotaged for no good reason, so rather than turn to the parents they’d always trusted, they turned to other teens.
And in the state they were in, they felt the most in common with teens who were hurting about their home lives, too. Before long they found themselves exposed to things they never had been before. Teens at risk sometimes take risks themselves. And when they’re feeling alienated…well, things can blow up fast.
Christine couldn’t talk to her husband about her concerns because he was too angry. Alienation can blow a family apart in the worst way. And solutions can be terribly hard to find.
But Christine kew her kids, and she saw their facial expressions, their clothing, and their attitudes grow darker, less trusting, more dangerous. And…she began to suspect they weren’t doing their homework, to make matters worse.
Angry Teen Takes Risks
One night, she heard her daughter whispering on the phone. She kept an eye on her to see if she could tell what she was up to. She had trusted Rose and Kyle all their lives and they’d lived up to that trust. But she knew these times were adding pressures they might not be able to manage. And because they were feeling alienated, she worried what they might do.
After she thought everyone had gone to bed, she sat in her room and listened. It didn’t surprise her when she heard a car idling out in front of the house — then her daughter’s bedroom door opened across the hall.
Christine slipped into the hall in time to see Rose heading down the stairs.
When Rose reached the bottom of the stairs, Christine was at the top.
“Rose?”
Rose’s hand froze on the front door handle.
“Yes…?”
“Where are you going?”
“…nowhere…?”
“But your hand. It’s on the doorknob. Who’s in the car outside?”
BUSTED.
“Rachael Franklin.”
“Don’t you think it’s a little late for two fifteen year old girls to go out ? Does Rachael have a driver’s license?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, then, a 15 year old and a barely 16 year old. Why don’t you text her that you’re not coming, and let’s make some hot chocolate.”
“Ok.” Rose rolled her eyes and started texting her friend. She knew from her mom’s tone this was not negotiable.
“This is so embarrassing, Mom.”
“I can imagine. But the fact that you were heading out this late at night without permission, tells me things are moving to the next level.”
“The next level..?”
“The level of anger and reaction that you were willing to damage your integrity with your mom to push back against what’s happening in our family. I don’t blame you for wanting to do something…anything…to express your disappointment and frustration. I wish I could, too. But you might have found yourself in a dangerous situation.
“We’ll never know. But instead of running away from each other, we need to find ways to strengthen our trust in each other. I love you. I want you to be happy and safe.”
“Mom, I can see that and I don’t want to be mad at you. But I feel so alone. I’ve lost the people I trust. You and Dad made our home what it is, and with all this going on — with you and Dad at odds with each other — I don’t know who to trust. I just feel so awfully alone. More and more I’ve been thinking about wanting to die to make all this go away.”
Christine was relieved for the chance she and her daughter had to open up to each other. When they were both feeling so alienated, the night could have ended so much worse.
Mom and daughter continued to talk until they were both tired and ready to sleep. In bed, Christine thought in the dark about Kyle, too, and wondered how she should connect with him to hopefully pull him into a safer place.
Further Communication to Bridge the Gap
The following weekend she took advantage of the opportunity to make waffles for breakfast, and broached the subject.
“Kyle, Rose and I have been talking about what a difficult position you and she find yourselves in the wake of your dad’s and my separation. It’s a terribly difficult position for your dad and I, too. Do you feel angry about it all?”
Kyle nearly choked.
“Of course, I do.”
“Do you feel more angry that you don’t understand what led to this, or just that our family is living in two separate locations?”
“Both! How could you make such a random, life-crushing decision out of the blue? We saw nothing that led up to it. It looks like this is all your fault from what I can tell, since Dad is the one living off by himself, and you’re all fine and comfortable right here, sleeping in your own bed.”
Christine swallowed hard. She wanted to cry out and defend herself and her decision, but she knew she would damage the relationships between her children and their father if she told them. What could she say to reassure her 17 year old son and preserve his trust in both parents?
“Kyle, your dad and I are determined to work through this time with the help of counselors, if at all possible. We’re also determined to not speak ill of each other to you and Rose. You need both us us and we want your trust in your parents to remain intact.
“Please try to understand that in a marriage, sometimes things go terribly wrong, and both parties feel betrayed and disappointed in each other. Sometimes it’s nearly impossible to get past it. But when that happens, it’s between the parties in the marriage, and isn’t between the parents and their children. For this reason, your dad and I will be attending co-parenting counseling to help us do the best we each can for you and Rose.
“We’re determined to do all we can to get through this with the least possible amount of damage to our family, and it’s too soon in the process to know how this is going to go. But above all things, we want you two to be happy and feel safe. At least as much as possible. So we need to keep talking about how we’re all doing along the way.”
Kyle played with his waffle by stirring his fork through it. He didn’t look up.
“I’m asking both of you, how are your grades doing? And your homework..is it getting done? If not, maybe we need to all do it together at the table for awhile for moral support…”
Kyle sighed. “I just haven’t felt like doing much of anything lately. So I guess I’ve missed some assignments.”
Rose spoke up. “I’ve been sort of relaxed about mine, too. It’s been hard to see the point.”
Mom and Teens Begin to Work Together
“Ok, good to know. Talk to your teachers and tell them what’s going on in our family, and that you know you’ve missed some work. Ask if they’ll let you make up the work, and we’ll conquer it together in the evenings until you’re flush again. You don’t have to face this alone, but you do need to face it. I have the feeling your teachers will have some understanding for your situation. They’ll know that when you’re feeling alienated, you can flounder. Will you try to do that?”
Both Kyle and Rose nodded.
In the following weeks and months, Christine stayed closely connected to her teens and their outlook. While they tried to get their work caught up, they also both found it very difficult. Clearly, they both seemed unable to focus, and listless, as well.
An appointment with her psychiatrist for each of them revealed they were both depressed. Antidepressants were prescribed but — even after months — she saw no improvement. Then, another prescription was added for each of them…again with no improvement. Months of lost time were passing.
A New Treatment Makes the Difference
Finally, she read about IV ketamine treatment for depression. After talking with her psychiatrist, she obtained a referral from him to seek out IV ketamine treatment. By this time she realized she needed it too.
She went first. Over the next few months, she and both her children received IV ketamine treatment. It entailed 6 infusions for Rose, 9 infusions for Christine, and 7 for Kyle. The storm that had nearly destroyed their family was calming down. Treatment was restoring their resilience and hope. By the time school started in the fall, all three of them were on firmer footing, and had the courage to face what was ahead.
They had stronger connections with each other, too. They talked about how sometimes a storm is the very thing to make roots go deeper. And that they were not feeling so alienated anymore.
Strength to Contribute to Healing
Meanwhile, Christine and her husband Ben were going to couple’s therapy, and Ben had started anger management treatment. It was too soon to tell how their family’s crisis would play out, but everyone was trying. And they were facing the present and future with courage, thanks to ketamine treatment and a lot of hard work.
Have you felt alienated in your family? Have you or your spouse or children felt isolated from the rest? What about depression or anxiety? Has alienation led to depression for your loved ones?
When Symptoms Resolve There is Strength for What Needs to be Done
Challenges in a family can be complex to resolve, but if you have no energy to seek solutions due to depression, resolution may be impossible. When you’re feeling alienated, it also makes it so hard to invest. By treating depression first with ketamine treatment, you may find you’re better equipped to construct solutions going forward. You may be best armed to unravel the alienation.
Does some of this sound familiar? If you or a family member have experienced some of the things Christine and her family did — if you are experiencing depression and anxiety that nothing else has helped — call us.
IV ketamine treatment can be a remarkably effective treatment for depression symptoms, social anxiety, PTSD, and suicidal thoughts. Don’t suffer in silence and allow these symptoms to dismantle your ability to cope and overcome obstacles in your life. Address the situation that makes you feel alienated.
You have options no one has ever had before this 21st century. So many people have been without help…or hope…until now. Reach out for treatment that will illuminate and empower your life and joy. You can live again.
We want to help you enjoy your best self, now.
To the restoration of your best self,
