I came to Dr. Calabrese completely out of options. I had spent 22 years in therapy, 15 years trying over 50 different prescription medications, and over 5 years of exhausting every non-pharmaceutical suggestion I could find. The first time I thought about killing myself I was 7 years old. It wasn’t a suicidal thought, but an intrusive one- a symptom of my undiagnosed OCD. I have never known what it feels like to truly want to live, though it was many years later before I actually started “wanting” to die. My entire childhood was consumed by irrational fears and the overwhelming belief that I could somehow, single-handedly prevent these fears from coming true if I behaved in a specific and impossible way. This led to severe depression before I was even old enough to drive a car. By the time
I was 21 I was heavily self medicating with drugs and alcohol. I got pregnant at 21, by my boyfriend who had taken advantage of my instability and had me convinced he was a dream come true. We ended up married and had a second child a few years later. After my second pregnancy my mental and physical health began to worsen quickly and drastically. My marriage had never been ideal, but it quickly became unbearable. I blamed myself, and my own mental health struggles and by the time my second child was 2 I was so depressed and suicidal that I truly believed my children, and everyone else would be better off without me. I felt like a burden to everyone I loved and couldn’t stand the thought of asking them to continue to support me through this crisis. I am certain that I would be dead if I hadn’t found Dr Calabrese and received ketamine treatment when I did. During my first infusion I experienced an absolutely life saving event. I felt an overwhelming presence of specific people with me, almost like they were entering the room briefly one at a time, and the awareness that each of these people loves me and supports me. I was confronted head on with undeniable facts that I was NOT alone, or a burden, and for the first time was able to believe that I deserved these people’s love and support. My sense of hopelessness disappeared that day and it has never returned. My third infusion was what I say “woke me up” from the haze and nightmare I was living and I was finally able to see the abuse that I was surviving for what it was and not long after completing the series I was able to end my horrific relationship with my abusive husband. The hope, clarity, and strength that ketamine has given me is invaluable. I have gone through significantly stressful and heart wrenching circumstances since completing treatment, and not once have I wished to die. I even notice the absence of hopelessness during particularly awful times, I find myself expecting to have suicidal thoughts sometimes because that’s all I knew for so long, but they never come.I cannot recommend this treatment or Dr Calabrese enough. My children almost lost their mother. I can’t imagine how different their stories would be if not for Dr Calabrese and her truly healing knowledge and practice. The benefits of this treatment extend beyond the patient, Dr Calabrese is making this world a better place.