People like your mom, your brother, your nephew, your grandfather, your aunt…your spouse or son or daughter. This time of year is a time of disappointments, when broken relationships or perceived failures are felt most deeply, and those loved ones who have died before are acutely missed.
For some, it’s a logical time to find reasons to die. Suicide at Christmas is all too common, so we need to be tuned in to those around us for signs of grief, defeat, despair, or inappropriate cheer which can be a way of hiding disturbing thoughts.
Monty was depressed, but it was hard for his family and friends to grasp how he sees this holiday season. When he arrived downcast, instead of with an air of celebration, it was easy for them to be impatient with his “downer” attitude.
For his family, it was hard to wrap their heads around the idea that some people aren’t living in the moment of Christmas, excited about exchanging gifts and seeing friends and relatives they haven’t seen in forever.
Rather, some, like Monty, may be suffering about things that happened in years past, and the holiday atmosphere brings the memory to life.
Monty felt responsible for a tragedy long ago, and assumed everyone present was blaming him. He also resents some people who are present whom — he feels — carry some blame for the tragedy.
And sometimes, everyone’s cheer is more than he can bear. So he looked for a way to escape the noise and pressure. To find a private corner to be alone in his sorrow. He also thought a little bottle of spirits would be just the thing to help him forget.
With all the festive chatter and cheer, it’s easy to miss a pending suicide at Christmas.
What does the family see? It’s likely they don’t see Monty suffering helplessly. Sadly, what they often see is the family screwup getting drunk instead of “contributing” to the family experience. They see selfishness. And they pour shame on this family member whose complicated life they don’t understand.
But suffering isn’t necessarily selfish at all, is it? Sometimes it’s just misery. Despair. Hopelessness.
And when someone like Monty knows he’ll be judged for his suffering, when he (or she) KNOWS he will find no compassion — only criticism — sometimes that alone is enough to push him deeper into his dark place. And in that place, he may make the decision to stop the misery by destroying himself.
Let’s hope not.
But it’s for these reasons–and many others–that the holidays is a time that some people take their lives. Sometimes privately, or in a clandestine way, and sometimes in a public way.
There is no simple solution to the conflicts in a family gathering that includes someone who is susceptible to suicidal thoughts and/or actions.
Every family has conflicts, whether spoken or unspoken… secret resentments or boisterous loud ones. Jealousies, insecurities, and differences of opinion. What’s the saying..? “If we both think alike, one of us is superfluous.“
Variety is the spice of life, but in a family, subtle differences can stimulate conflict. And that happens a lot.
But for someone like Monty, whose mind makes him feel hurt more deeply, who has a fractured sense of himself, those differences can torment. Devastate.
And those minor conflicts among family can highlight Monty’s insecurities and shame.
So while you can’t save everyone all the time, you can offer a warm hug or handshake, a friendly and compassionate conversation. You can seek ways to set the suffering one at ease. A little effort and genuine support can prevent a suicide at Christmas.
And who’s the suffering one?
It’s the one who seems to always create a scene, gets into trouble when the family is trying to celebrate. It’s the one who sits alone looking down, awkward, or angry. Like Monty. Or maybe she looks like she’s going to cry.
You most likely know who it is in your family who tends to be the lightning rod. That family member you watched grow up… and he surprised you with his mistakes, problems, scrapes… just so many things. That loved one is possibly in pain and needs love and acceptance to get through this holiday. If he seems like a clown, he just may be laughing on the outside but crying on the inside…
If THAT one disappears, find out where he is. He may have gone to the backyard to whittle on a stick. Or he may have left with plans to jump off a bridge. No, you’re not your brother’s keeper …but you are someone who can show compassion and caring if someone is in danger of serious injury. Your act of love can thwart a suicide at Christmas and that may give someone like Monty some much needed time.
How hard is it to listen?
If you have a family member like Monty, you likely know who it is. And you may be weary of their shenanigans. But, maybe, just maybe, they can use acceptance, someone to listen. So ask them their story. And let them talk… and show you’re listening.
IF…and that’s a big IF… but IF they’re contemplating suicide this is a good time to listen to them talk about it. Don’t be afraid to even ask, “Do you ever feel like hurting yourself?” and then, “What about now?” Opening the door of communication without judgment can be lifesaving. Call the Suicide Hotline at the bottom of this post.
Many who are contemplating suicide at Christmas have been suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder for months caused by the reduction of light in the fall months. Don’t think anytime of the year is devoid of suicide risk. Whatever cheers up one person, is just as likely to trigger suicidal thinking in another.
In addition, the risk of suicide don’t end during the holiday season, but actually increases in January.
Also, it’s good for you to be equipped with the knowledge that if he’s thinking about suicide, IV ketamine can stop those suicidal thoughts in an afternoon. So he can be free of the tortuous thoughts and mental images… and focus on getting better through therapy, medication, or IV ketamine treatment for depression.
In fact, in our practice, we’re transparent about how we can help. We’ve looked at results, published them, and presented (nationally internationally) on the effect of IV Ketamine Infusions for Suicidal Thinking showing how they can prevent a trip to the Emergency Room, or a hospitalization.
To be able to remove suicidal thoughts in a day is life changing, even life saving, for so many.
At Innovative Psychiatry, we’re privileged to see people come in racked in the throes of suicidal thinking, and often see them at peace a few hours later. Stopping suicidal thoughts isn’t a cure-all. But it gives you time to seek treatment, participate in therapy, and overall pursue remission. It keeps you safe while you get better.
When you come in for your infusions, you can just sink into your recliner, settle back and relax. That white box on the lamp table labeled Novaerus is a wonderful piece of advanced technology that destroys the DNA of viruses, bacteria, and mold spores in the air. This plasma cell technology was designed for the International Space Station, and is outstanding in removing 99.99% of all pathogens in the air and specific to the square footage of your infusion suite. So you’ll breathe pure, clean, safe air. Your mind can rest at ease knowing you’re safe from infection (including COVID-19 delta, lambda, and omicron) in this uncertain world.
Don’t let suicidal thoughts rob you of your life. if you have symptoms of suicidal thoughts, call us.
Also call if you have a loved one like Monty who’s been having suicidal ideas.
Life can be so much better when your symptoms are out of the way. Imagine that…life without symptoms of despair, hopelessness. You deserve a life worth living and the power to live it. Let us help.
Reach out for a life free of shame and despondency. Let us help.
The Happiest of Holidays to you and yours.
If you — or someone you know — is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text “home” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
To the restoration of your best self,
