We say that childbirth is utterly natural. But the experience of giving birth doesn’t always go as planned. Sometimes there are surprises, disappointments, unexpected changes, fears, and excessive pain.
A terribly painful labor or delivery can become a traumatic memory for a postpartum mom. Loss of the baby during the process can also create an unbearable trauma for the mom. Especially in situations where the infant doesn’t survive, the mom can be so deeply affected that the smell of baby powder or lotion can trigger a cascade of PTSD symptoms. Or the cry of a newborn baby. Mothers who suffer from postpartum PTSD can have severe reactions to triggers for months after delivery.
Leanne has five children. The first four of her deliveries were increasingly traumatic. In one case, the baby’s head was lodged at the side of the pelvis and after hours of pushing with no progress, she was moved to surgery for a C- section. This was the fourth delivery. More about that one in a bit.
With the first, she labored for 38 hours and when the baby was finally born, she tore through her rectum. Bonding with her baby didn’t go well, because she was in so much pain. Plus, she felt beat up, traumatized, exhausted, and unable to find any warm feelings for her newborn. (And too ashamed of this to say it out loud.) Eventually, over months, she began to improve.
But within 7 months of that birth, she found out she was expecting again. She sat down and cried. She didn’t feel ready. The pain in her rectum had only recently subsided.
Then, the circumstances of her second baby’s birth were also excessively painful. (We’ll leave out the details.) She began to feel like she just had terrible luck… or just wasn’t supposed to be a mother.
From that time, she cried anytime her husband tried to touch her. She couldn’t separate the suffering of the two births from amorous times with her husband. Leanne couldn’t face the risk of another childbirth. One day she was so angry, she slammed the dishwasher door hard over and over, then sat down and cried.
Leanne’s husband quietly slipped out of the house and bought a new set of dishes.
Leanne talked with her doctor, and he said that she suffered from Postpartum PTSD.
Then, one day Leanne and her husband went to visit friends for a backyard cookout. They took the babies with them and really had a wonderful day. That night, they were both relaxed, and enjoyed cuddling. One thing led to another…
And soon enough, Leanne was pregnant with her third child. She’d been in therapy for 2 years at that point, so she was guardedly optimistic…but on shaky ground.
This time, unfortunately, the crisis was placenta previa… specifically the placenta was overlapping the opening of the womb to the birth canal. Once she began to dilate, portions of the placenta broke free, causing a rush of blood loss. She started to hemorrhage. She panicked, called her husband, called her doctor, called her mom. ( If only she had called 911…but she was too shaken to think clearly.) Of course, her husband was on his way, and told her to call 911 NOW. She called 911 then called a neighbor to come stay with her little toddlers. She was rushed to the hospital, unconscious when she arrived. Doctors went to work hoping beyond hope they could save both mother and child.
Thankfully both mother and child survived, but again, Leanne was exhausted, shaken, and shut down. She just couldn’t relate to the baby. She was overwhelmed with guilt that her mistakes had come so close to causing the baby’s death.
Even though Leanne and her husband were committed to living a natural lifestyle, and had never used birth control, she just felt she couldn’t go through this again. But he stood strong about not using birth control. So she used the best form of preventing pregnancy she could think of. Anytime her husband touched her or was affectionate, she pushed him away…or sometimes she just fell to the floor in a heap, weeping her heart out.
She had times when she just began to tremble and couldn’t stop. One day she dropped a jug of milk that spilled and splattered all over the kitchen. Then she had to pull herself together to clean it up. Who else would?
By this point, she tried to be a good mom to her innocent babies, but so much of the time she felt vacant. Other times she felt angry. Then, there were times when she had such anxiety that she didn’t dare drive, even to the grocery store.
She managed to avoid pregnancy for two years. Her marriage had become volatile. She just couldn’t be calm to communicate with her husband. Everything was falling apart.
Her husband suggested they let the 3 kids stay with Grandma and Grandpa, so they could take vacation to somewhere peaceful. They took a week in Jamaica. It was wonderful with swimming, great food, walks on the beach, and local music. (And those drinks with umbrellas! She loved them!) So many sites, smells, and friendly people. They both believed this was just what the doctor ordered.
On their 5th night, they danced to local music, and drank more umbrella drinks than they realized… They found their way to their room and collapsed in bed. The next day neither of them remembered how they got there. In their inebriated state, their celebration led to baby-producing activity. So rare for them, at this point.
You guessed it…baby #4 was on the way.
Leanne home-schooled her children, so by now she was doing lessons with babies #1 and #2.
At least on the days she was functioning. But her anxiety was pretty high. How could she take care of these children when she was so shaky? A few times during the pregnancy she experienced a panic attack. Her therapist was working with her to help her work through the anxiety.
Bless her heart. This was the delivery we mentioned earlier. The baby’s head seemed to be stuck to the side in her pelvis and they couldn’t get the baby to move into the birth canal. It was the last straw for Leanne. She had a full out panic attack during the latter portion of her labor. She was standing up in her bed and screaming and crying. No one could calm her. She just wasn’t rational. She was terrified. So they did an emergency C-section after putting her sleep.
When she emerged from the anesthetic, she was disoriented, surprised to learn her 4th baby was born and doing well in the nursery. Her doctor encouraged her to rest before they brought the baby to see her. But she just withdrew.
Leanne had had dreams of being such a natural “earth mom” …she’d started out wanting to give birth to her children at home. But each childbirth had been too risky to continue at home. She felt cheated. Angry. Beaten. Each labor and delivery was a nightmare.
All her plans for meaningful home births had been vanquished. She knew she suffered not just from postpartum depression but from postpartum PTSD … and she just didn’t know what to do about it.
Her doctor had advised Leanne and her husband to consider a tubal ligation during this C-section but she had been far too distraught for a decision like that. So he encouraged them to consider it later, to give her a chance to recover.
While they were “thinking” about it, she got pregnant once again. She told her doctor she definitely wanted the tubal ligation done during her final C-section. As it happened, this 5th birth went smoothly as a C-section, and the tubal ligation was completed in the same procedure.
She was able to bond with her new baby peacefully, and she enjoyed him so much.
A wonderful, simple, easy, planned C-section — with no crash carts, hemorrhages, horrible images, horrible fears, horrible pain. Why couldn’t it replace all those awful memories? Why did they shake her up during the day, and infiltrate her dreams at night? And why did every little thing seem to be a trigger? The kids were healthy, right? They were OK, right? She was OK, right? Well on that one, no…she was really not ok. She still suffered from postpartum PTSD symptoms — and all the treatment she had had over the years hadn’t made a dent in it.
So when a friend encouraged her to consider IV ketamine treatment, Leanne grabbed her phone, and started trying to learn what ketamine can do for postpartum depression and postpartum PTSD. She made the call.
Scheduled her appointment. And left the children with a babysitter.
After the first infusion, she felt no different. Same after the second. After the third she decided to cook a new recipe for supper. Such a little thing, right? But it was such a big deal—she hadn’t done that for months. (Ketamine can restore initiative and motivation.) After the fourth, she could feel rays of hope inside her. Almost like rays of sunshine, she said. By the time she went for the 5th infusion, she was calmer. No longer shaking. And although there was still anxiety, she was becoming hopeful. She had good days and bad days. But there was improvement. She could feel it. She just wasn’t there yet.
So she went for a 7th infusion…and then an 8th. By this time she went for her 8th infusion, she had joy. She felt free of the fear and anxiety. And as the days passed, she felt more resilient all the time.
She became her old self over the next several weeks — felt happy, calm, fun-loving. (Oh wow, when was the last she she’d felt that?) She had patience with her children, she had creativity in home schooling them, she enjoyed socializing. She also had the initiative and motivation to clean up the house and invite another couple with kids over for dinner — outside, on the patio.
Leanne hadn’t felt this good since her first baby was born.
She also found the patience, wisdom, and determination to work with her children in family therapy in hopes of improving their security with her and building the bonds that suffered with these pregnancies and deliveries.
And she was thankful that her husband was still at home so they could work together with a marriage counselor to strengthen their relationship.
IV ketamine treatment has developed a track record for helping women who suffer from postpartum PTSD to achieve remission. Choosing to seek out this treatment was a wise move for Leanne to make. At the same time, it’s important that you understand that ketamine is not for everyone. (There isn’t anything that works for 100% of people 100% of the time.) But ketamine can be transformative for most people who are suffering from severe postpartum PTSD, depression, social anxiety, bipolar depression, postpartum depression, and more.
At Innovative Psychiatry, we’re experts in psychiatry, in postpartum disorders, and in all the treatments available for them—including IV ketamine—and we work with you to map out the best course of treatment for you. We have the protocols and — incredibly important — the technology to protect you from viruses including COVID-19, bacteria, and molds, so you can come for your treatment with peace of mind. You can breathe easy…even if you haven’t for months.
If you suffer from postpartum PTSD, don’t keep toughing it out. Call us.
We’ll set up an appointment to talk about your history and current symptoms and all the things we need to know to determine if you’re a candidate for IV ketamine treatment. You deserve the care of a specialist.
Don’t hesitate to call. Get your hope back. And the power to enjoy your family.
We want to help.
To the restoration of your best self,
