Know any men who can flip from mild annoyance to a violent rage in a short minute? Know any women who are wounded and intimidated by a man’s anger? Now if that anger is violent then it’s likely lots of women and children as well are wounded and intimidated by it. Let’s talk about the connection between a man’s violence and his anxiety.
Anxiety/alarm.
A good book written by Russell Kennedy, M.D., titled RX Anxiety, is full of great advice for men whose anxiety is expressed in violence. Dr. Kennedy explains that anxiety is experienced both emotionally …in his mind…and physically, in his body. Anxiety is produced in the mind, and alarm is the result that is experienced in his body…physically.
So it should be no surprise that since a man feels this emotion in mind and body, that it would be expressed in both his mind and his body.
But in his body… how?
One of the human physiology’s way of calming this anxiety/alarm, is crying. When we cry it rewires the brain. But what if, as a boy, they taught you to not cry?
…
Tom was edgy, irritable. He woke up in an ambulance, which caught him off guard. They said he had a blackout. Once at the hospital, ER staff rushed to apply leads to all the right spots on his chest and legs for an EKGs. And then another one. After a variety of tests, they moved him to a cardiac unit in the hospital.
Tom felt fine. What was all the fuss? Then they handed him a pitcher that looked like it would hold a quart of milk with a wide open top. The nurse instructed him to “pee” into the pitcher !?!
He blushed, grumbled, let out a few curse words and said he couldn’t “go” in that sitting position.
From that point on, everything made him madder. Madder and madder. More and more irritated.
When a lunch tray was delivered to him, he cleared it from his bedside table with one angry sweep of his arm. Food, cutlery, his plate and glass, all flew to the side of the room, hitting the chair and wall in a big mess.
His nostrils flared. “Get all this away from me!”
In his most secret place of shame, Tom felt like crying. But that was unthinkable. So he had just lashed out…
A man’s violence and his anxiety are so closely connected. A cardiac event can cause unbearable anxiety in a man, and it’s not unusual for a violent expression to follow.
“Anxiety is an early warning system to help you survive… It’s not there to harm you, but in its constant warnings, it makes you feel unsafe.” -Anxiety RX
Tom may have felt angry and irritable, and may have behaved with a lack of control. But what was really going on?
Anxiety. There is very little in a man’s life to ignite anxiety like a cardiac event. Anxiety was eating Tom up inside.
The “Straw” of Caring for Others Before Yourself Can Break the Camel’s Back
This is such a common situation for men. Men who marry young, for instance, before they’re really equipped to be providers for themselves or a family. Maybe a young pregnant wife, or the perceived need to rescue a girlfriend from an abusive family. Crises like this can seem obvious and necessary, but can lead to a man’s overload.
Or maybe parents whose special needs require unexpected and exorbitant care and financial support.
There are endless possibilities of circumstances that could add the breaking straw to a man’s back resulting in constant worry — like where will I get the money to pay all these bills? and when will I find the time to care for everyone who needs me? And fear of the fallout if he fails…
You’d think true masculinity was just calm and collected happiness. So alpha male that it needs not or worries not. But typically masculine characters are always fighting, and most violence comes from some agitated level of fear and anxiety.”
–Liev Schreiber
Add to that, the belief that a man might unwittingly hold that being a caregiver gives his life power and purpose, a sense that he matters. However, he may not grasp at all that the burden that gives his life power and purpose may also break him under the load of anxiety and violence.
A Man’s Violent Release can Easily Follow the Anxiety that Accompanies His Responsibilities
As we mentioned earlier, all these things can happen to a woman, too. But we’re focusing on men today because they’ve so often been taught to avoid showing their feelings, and to not cry because it’s a sign of weakness. (You know men like this. Maybe you are one. Or maybe you’re a woman who has seen this, over and over) And that can have dangerous results
So when the pressure builds from a mountain of responsibilities they fear they cannot fulfill, instead of crying or panicking, that man can snap and become violent.
So our goal is to help him find ways to lower the pressure far in advance of the melting point.
To help him learn to take care of himself, give himself time to release pressure through enjoyable activities, and to spend time with the people who love him most.
Sons Need to Learn Self Care from Childhood to Equip Themselves to Respond to Stress Because there’s often a Connection Between a Man’s Violence and His Anxiety-Depression
And optimally, we need to train our sons to seek these releases as children and young men, before their responsibilities have so much power.
Each individual treatment room provides privacy and quiet, as well as an incredibly comfortable zero-gravity heated leather recliner — so you can be monitored during treatment, and relax deeply for the best possible infusion experience.
At Innovative Psychiatry, we’re here for you, and for the men in your life. And we love to work with and complement your your healthcare team to offer treatments that can help you or the people you love. When the anxiety is seated in PTSD or social anxiety, IV ketamine treatment can be a remarkable aid. And we can schedule your treatments so that you can to get the most benefit from the neuroplasticity ketamine offers to do the best possible work in therapy.
Above and Beyond
We have a devoted program for administering IV ketamine treatment, and have installed space-age equipment to remove viruses, bacteria, and molds from the air and surfaces. When you come for treatment, you can feel safe from risks–because we go above and beyond to keep you safe! So you can focus on getting better. The environment-purifying technology designed by NASA and the Department of Defense keeps the environmental air and surfaces free of pathogens. There is nothing else even close. We’ve taken the best steps available to ensure your wellbeing when you’re here.
Taking care of yourself, giving yourself what you need, can equip you to take care of all those responsibilities more effectively… and keep the anxiety and depression from overwhelming you.
Anxiety is not something to be ashamed of. It’s not weakness. But, like so many other things, it requires your attention to manage it, seek treatment, and be the best you can be for yourself and those around you.
Anxiety can take on a life of its own, and drive you to do things you would never normally do. If anxiety and/or depression has tried to drive you to violence before, you can kick it to the curb.
Please call us if we can help.
We look forward to working with you.
To the restoration of your best self,
