Twenty-year-old Jake felt listless, really somewhat lost, truthfully. He had led a confusing life of trying to take classes his counselors and parents told him to take, joining organizations that were recommended to him. But never being able to sink his teeth into anything. Nothing seemed like it mattered. Whether it was classes or sports or charity groups. Jake needed to build confidence in his capabilities, but it wasn’t happening.
How could he get out of his slump and find some meaning? Build his life toward something worthwhile? How could he make his LIFE worthwhile?
He’d taken two years of college, sludging along, getting by without real commitment or passion. Some of his fellow students were halfway through pre-med or pre-law, and he felt like he had nothing to show for his first two years. Jake wanted his life to count for something. He wanted real meaning. He knew his whole life was ahead of him, but how could he make it count…? Did he just need to build confidence in his capabilities or was there more to it?
One day, after swim practice, he talked to his coach about it. The coach had asked him what he wanted in life. His answer? “Meaning. I want to make some sort of difference in people’s lives. I don’t know whose, or how, but that’s what I want.”
The coach said, “You know Jake, the students who take swimming for a semester won’t go to the Olympics. A few will continue in swim because they’ve been training for competition all their lives. Of those, one or two might eventually compete. But for the rest, this class is for health benefits and college credit. This class will push you to excel, and you’ll succeed, but then what? What you want starts with an attitude of excellence. Deciding in advance that you’ll excel at each course you take. Even something as simple as swimming. Then as time goes by you’ll develop more and more expertise in more subjects. Every class you take is building your expertise… and your confidence in your capabilities.”
Jake wondered what value swimming would have in his life…what purpose…? Then he thought of other courses he was taking that seemed equally irrelevant. There was a literature course, an art history course, and a basic biology class. He couldn’t see the point.
His coach answered. “It’s less about how you’ll use those courses to change the world, and more about how those courses will lead to others, that will be instrumental in your future.
And meanwhile you’re building yourself…who you are. That literature course may lead you to try out law courses, art history may give way to archeology, or that intro biology course may usher you into medical research. Because it’s the doing that builds your capabilities, and giving your very best to every course disciplines your mind to seek understanding and answers — no matter how daunting the questions. Giving your best develops excellence… and hope.”
All this was eye opening. “I guess I’ve just been waiting for the passion for something to assault me in an alley….”
His coach laughed. “ You may find it more effective to assault passion first with a strategy to develop expertise. What do you think?”
… Confidence is that knowing, with sureness, that you can trust in your ability and your judgment. It’s feeling sure of your abilities and principles…your capabilities to accomplish what you want to accomplish.
It’s one thing to just sludge through life, and another to reach for things that seem beyond your grasp. But the thing is: you need to stretch to keep reaching higher, right? And to stretch requires some confidence, along with some determination to achieve what you’re reaching for. The confidence you crave is at your fingertips once you build competence.
It helps to have some guide posts to help you get there.
To build Confidence, build Competence first. Stand on those things you can do well, and build on them. Maybe you’re really good at baking cookies, or mowing and trimming the lawn. Keep doing those things you can do well, and get better and better at them. Then excel at something else. Maybe swimming..or chemistry. And work and work at it until you’ve mastered it. Then, choose something else. Each time you master something, you create an island to stand on. Little by little the islands grow more numerous until they grow together and — voilà!!—you’re standing on a continent. Competence is something you build and multiply. Competence gives you confidence. Build confidence in your capabilities.
Don’t compare yourself and your achievements to others. Maybe someone you know is smarter or better looking than you are. Who cares? You can do what’s in your heart to do, no matter what someone else can do. Those others, with different looks, different personalities, different assets and talents are not relevant to you with your personality, your appearance, and your assets and talents. Build confidence in your own accomplishments.
Make them your own.
Hang out with positive people who believe in you and will help you believe in yourself. Invest your support in those people and accept their support of you. People who believe in each other build strong bonds and collaborate well to solve problems. Choose your friends, your coaches, your colleagues from this group. You can’t afford people who defeat themselves daily with their attitude in your life.
Take care of your body. Take inventory on your diet. Remove empty sugar foods from your diet and build it on a variety of flavonoids, heathy fats, good proteins, plenty of pure, clean water, and a low percentage of carbohydrates.
Lean meats like chicken and fish.
Flavonoids like avocados, onions, berries, kale, red cabbage, tea, red wine, dark chocolate
Healthy fats like extra virgin olive oil, coconut oil, avocado, eggs, salmon, mackerel, trout, raw macadamias, almonds, cashews and walnuts.
Get exercise at least 3 times a week. Walking for 30 minutes, jogging, swimming, or playing a sport you love.
The best foods and exercise will help you build your confidence in your capabilities.
Be kind to yourself – Are you someone who beats yourself up after a mistake?
You may know it well: “I’m so stupid! How could I be such a fool?! What an idiot I am! I’ll never succeed.”
Cut out that trash talk. You made a mistake. You’re human…it happens to everyone.
Learn to treat yourself with the same kindness you treat others. You’ll reach success faster if you’re your own best friend. Never tear yourself down. Accept mistakes and determine to learn how to avoid them. How to replace them with successes. You are your own coach, and there is no place for trash talk with a good coach. Get up and try again — as many times as it takes.
Practice good sleep hygiene and learn ways to get your mind and body to relax and rest while you sleep at night — good sleep is essential to overall good health as well as preparing yourself to succeed every day. If you sabotage your wellbeing at night, then try to compensate during the day, it won’t work. Use your nights to prepare you for successful days. Using exercise at the optimal time for your own inner clock so it releases tensions, while not overstimulating your body for sleep is ideal.
Face Your Fears-This may be one of the most prominent elements of building confidence. Facing fears head-on is essential. The opposite — avoiding your fears — sabotages the building of confidence. To recognize you are afraid of something, and then to systematically and purposely try to avoid it, continually rips the rug out from under you. Facing fear takes courage, but then it strengthens your confidence in your own ability to do what you want to do. And when you’ve built competence along the way, fears are less daunting. The confidence you gain from facing fear head-on is something no one can take from you.
There are some things in life that don’t offer a quick fix. Sometimes what’s needed is our investment of effort. The effort may be long term. But the more effort we invest, the more reward we can enjoy throughout our lives.
Lack of confidence isn’t always a psychiatric condition — in fact it usually isn’t. But if you suffer from social anxiety, ketogenic psychiatry can give you the freedom to function around people you don’t know so that you can feel comfortable in your skin and build confidence— in your career, as well as your life.
If you need the extra help Metabolic Psychiatry can provide, call us.
We’re dedicated to helping you enjoy a more rewarding life.
To the restoration of your best self,
