Madison took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. Trying to calm herself, she knew her reaction wasn’t rational. Her husband had gently stroked her arm, but she’d been asleep. That touch triggered panic. She was flailing her arms and kicking before she knew what she was doing. As wakefulness turned on the lights in her mind, she saw it was dark, and she was in bed with Zach. Her slow steady breaths were an effort to calm herself, but she was shaking. Finally, she began to cry. And cry. Her birth trauma had crushed and terrorized her, and she didn’t know ketamine treatment can help heal trauma. Zachary sat up in bed, unsure what to do. His affection had triggered terror in his wife. Why?
Their 4 month-old baby made some squeaking noises in the bedside crib next to his wife, but thankfully seemed to go back to sleep.
Trauma Kicks Back
He whispered, “Mads, what happened? Are you ok?”
She sighed, desperately trying to calm herself. “I think it was when you touched my arm. I’m sorry… I don’t know what’s wrong with me… But it startled me and I was engulfed in terror. I feel so foolish.”
Her hands still shaking, she got up and went to the kitchen for a drink of water. When she returned to the bedroom, her husband was waiting, but unsure what to say.
“Do you think you had a bad dream?”
Madison was still shaking… why couldn’t she calm down?
“I don’t know…I don’t remember. This has never happened to me before. But, ever since Jack’s birth, being out of town with a strange doctor like that, and the horror of all that happened, I’ve been on edge. The healing has been prolonged, and there’s been more pain than I had with the other two. I’m just not snapping back like I did with the first two babies.
Her birth trauma was deep, and she didn’t know ketamine treatment could help her heal.
“But what happened, the way the doctor let me labor so long, cut an episiotomy, then changed his mind and did a C-section. It was terrible! He went about the epidural wrong, or didn’t give it enough time or something, and I felt it! I felt the C-section!! I just feel so angry about it!”
By now, Madison was screaming.
“Sometimes during the day…I haven’t known how to tell you this…but sometimes while you’re at work, I feel so vulnerable. Like someone’s casing our house…feeling like they’ll break in! Zach, I know this sounds ridiculous, but it feels so real.
“I feel so threatened a lot of the time. All day, I watch the yard and front porch, and keep all the doors and windows locked, but I start shaking and sometimes I cry, really hard, and can’t stop.
“Other times, I can get up, dress the kids, and go to the park or the grocery store with them just fine. This seems to come and go. I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me!”
“When you touched my arm, I honestly felt like I was about to be raped. I don’t get it! I know you weren’t trying to hurt me, but I couldn’t figure that out at the time. I just can’t describe how threatening it felt. Tonight I couldn’t separate who I know you to be, and the terror I felt.”
“Mads, you’ve been through so much. Let’s try to find ways to help you rest, feel soothed, lighten the pressure…”
“HOW!!!?? I have two preschoolers and a newborn! How am I supposed to relax?”
“You’re right. That was a silly thing for me to say. Would it help if we asked your mom to come for awhile and pitch in? Or would that make it worse?”
“It would not help. I’d be on edge. In fact, I’m already on edge. Let’s don’t make it worse.”
“Ok, honey. I’m going to take a few days off work. With the weekend maybe it will give us several days to try to reset.”
Helpful Ideas Rise with the Dawn
As the sunrise filled the kitchen with a golden glow, they were drinking coffee. Madison told Zach that she found it hard to hug the children…like she was living in a prison of fear and aloneness. She felt — detached — and worried she was no longer able to be a good mother.
She felt no affection for anyone. Just sort of frozen. Stiff.
Zach suggested they call her doctor and see if he had any suggestions. He felt like an utterly helpless husband. So they did, and left a message for him to call.
The doctor called during lunch. They described what Madison had been going through, and he seemed to understand.
He said, “You’ve suffered significant birth trauma, Madison. It’s not surprising that you’re still suffering from it all. It sounds like you may be experiencing some PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder. It would explain your hyper vigilance, the fear of someone breaking in, terror when you’re touched in your sleep.
“You were wounded, physically and emotionally. You don’t feel safe. So of course, you feel threatened. After birth trauma like yours, ketamine treatment is a treatment that can help you heal.
“This is a disorder that happens sometimes to people who experience a severe trauma and can’t seem to recover. I can imagine how terribly distressing this is.
Her Doctor Offers Hope
“I want to suggest you call a colleague of mine, who specializes in treating conditions like this. I’ll text you her name and number.
“Try not to worry. Take it easy, as much as you can. You really can recover from all you’ve been through. Why don’t you come see me in a few weeks? We can see how you’re progressing at that point.”
Immediately after they ended the call, she received his text message about the doctor he mentioned, and her phone number.
Turning to Ketamine Treatment
They promptly called her and made an appointment for the next day.
The doctor was kind, compassionate, and extremely knowledgeable, which was reassuring. She talked with Madison for an hour, typing notes and filling out forms. Then she closed her laptop, and smiled.
“Madison, I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through, with the birth of your baby, and ever since in your life. Birth trauma like this can cause your symptoms of PTSD, but we have seen such remarkable recovery from these symptoms with ketamine treatment.
“It involves an infusion a couple times a week for a few weeks. We’ll evaluate as we go, to see how many infusions you’ll need to feel like your best self again. And that’s our goal. For you to feel like the best you, you can be. Would you like to start today?”
Ketamine Treatment Begins
Zach and Mads looked at each other with hope in their eyes, and nodded at the same time.
“Yes, I would.”
After the first infusion, Madison felt a strange lightness in her chest…sort of? Was it physical…? Or was it hope..?
On the way home, Zach suggested that they call her mom and ask if their two preschoolers, Charlotte and Adelaide, could come see Mimi for a week or so. They would love it, and she and Zach could keep little Jack with them and still have opportunities for rest. Just to lower the stress during her ketamine treatment.
Madison agreed it was a good idea, so they called her mom and made arrangements. Her mom arrived before bed time to pack bags for the girls and take them home for baths and bedtime snacks.
Just reducing their household numbers from 5 to 3 seemed to make things a little less stressful. Zach encouraged her to enjoy a bubble bath and candles, while he diapered and rocked Jack.
2nd Infusion
Two days later, they went back for her second infusion. Afterward, she didn’t feel much more relaxed, but sudden noises didn’t make her jump as badly. Since Jack was born, when something startled her, it felt like she’d been kicked in the kidneys. Extremely jarring and painful.
But now it was milder. She also noticed she was upset by certain things, but not so extremely outraged. Something was changing…slowly.
After the third, and then the fourth infusions, she began to realize she was coping a little better. Not a lot…but at least it was some.
6th Through 9th Infusions
By the 5th and 6th infusions, her kids were home again and she found she was enjoying them. Her negative feelings were milder, and there were moments when she thought there was a little bit of joy bubbling up. Just a little, but something she hadn’t felt since Jack was born.
After the 8th infusion, her heart was swelling with love for Jack, Charlotte, and Addy, She noticed it. She was feeling like a mom again. She felt close to her children. And she realized she was enjoying Zach, too.
Madison had 9 infusions in all, and she continued feeling better and better over the next 2-3 weeks.
She experienced first hand, over several weeks, that PTSD caused by birth trauma could actually heal from IV ketamine treatment. She was living proof!
Traumatic Birth Memories Heal with IV Ketamine
She called and made an appointment to see her doctor. In the office, she told him she just wanted to thank him in person for referring her to this psychiatrist and ketamine treatment. She was feeling good, enjoying her family, and felt affectionate and stable again. It felt like a miracle, and she was so grateful.
She had had no idea that she was suffering from PTSD before she called him. But even more, she had no idea there was such effective treatment.
She thanked him again for helping her get her life back. Where she really felt like herself again.
He, in turn, thanked her for showing him how effective this treatment could be!
PTSD can result from a variety of traumatic experiences, but there’s hope.
If the trauma Madison endured sounds familiar, and her symptoms that followed afterwards plague you too, call us.
You’re in good company with so many others who have suffered trauma, followed by a host of distressing symptoms, but then found out what ketamine treatment could do.
You, too, can enjoy peace again…and joy.
And get back to living your best life. That’s why we’re here.
To the restoration of your best self,
